As parents help their kids put finishing touches on college applications, here are some thoughts shared by psychotherapist and counselor Maureen Tillman on what helps teens be better prepared for the college experience.

What makes transitioning to college such a great experience for some students and so overwhelming for others?

Certainly there are predictors of success, but often teens deemed likely to succeed fall by the wayside when they encounter the multitude of stressors common in college settings.

The impetus to develop proactive services to increase the odds of success in college grew out of many experiences in my professional career, including counseling parents and their teens after long-anticipated dreams of a wonderful college experience were shattered. My professional commitment to suicide prevention also contributed.

It is clear that becoming engrossed in the multitude of details involved in getting into the best school possible, parents and teens often don’t focus on developing the emotional skills that will serve them well in this new environment.

So what essential life skills do we need to foster a confident college experience?

Clearly, effective parenting for the college transition starts years before your teens are picking out their comforters at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Parents need to create a home environment that encourages effective communication, intimacy, honesty, self-awareness, and the development of coping strategies for anxiety and stress. Effective parents help their teens develop academic and social assertiveness, problem-solving skills, financial literacy, comfort with diversity, and a healthy perspective on issues related to sex, drugs and alcohol. The resulting self-confidence will service them well in the challenging college environment of the 21st century as well as in life in general.

There are additional factors to consider for teens with learning disabilities and depression. Now there are more effective treatments available and many colleges are working to provide appropriate resources. Students with these backgrounds need to research which colleges have the quality resources and responsiveness to match their needs. Even with the best services, self-advocacy skills are crucial in staying afloat.

Once at college, stress factors exist in many arenas: academic, cultural, and social. College students face a variety of issues related to sexuality, roommates, and making responsible choices in a culture where partying and other diversions are everywhere.

For all students who are launched, the parent-child relationship will change. Listen to your teen. Ask what frequency and which form of communicating feels rights to them. Respect their need to be more independent and to find their niche in their new home. Let them know there will be times when you disagree and disappointment expressed but that you continue to love and be there for them.

It may be flattering on some level to be consulted about every detail. If the decisions aren’t life changing, parents should encourage their teen to weigh the pros and cons and come up with a solution.

However, even in the best of circumstances, there will be ups and downs at college, especially during the first semester, and parents always need to listen well and be aware of the warning signs of larger problems. Freshmen who are feeling low in the beginning, often feel that they are the only ones who have not found happiness. They are reluctant to let their new friends know of their vulnerabilities.

Parents need to normalize their teens’ feelings while keeping alert to changes in sleeping, appetite, level of energy, concentration, mood, socialization, and substance use. Have the phone numbers of their resident advisor and the cell phone of their roommate. Trust your gut reaction and consult a mental health professional on campus or someone you trust locally, when you are sensing a serious adjustment problem is occurring.

Maureen P. Tillman, L.C.S.W., is the creator of College with Confidence, a comprehensive psychotherapy service that supports parents and young adults through the college experience and provides seminars, teleconferences, and consultations for individuals and organizations involved in the teen-to-adult transition. Maureen is also the creator, curator, and regular contributor to The New York Times Local College Corner, and has professional offices in Maplewood and Morristown N.J.